Looking Back

And just like that, it's been TWO YEARS! Last time you saw me around here, I was heading into grade 11 (just a baby!), and now here I am heading into my first year of university. It's hard to believe, and yet, I can happily and entirely say that I am ready for the next adventure. Though I have my doubts about what I'll be able to achieve now that I'm entering "the real world", I am excited for new challenges and a change of pace, as well as pretty much everything else about my life! For example, I'm going from small town girl to living in the big city, a school of a few hundred, to a school of thousands (not to mention the fact that my school was K-12 and one building, and now the university I'll be attending has three campuses...), just to name a few. However, despite these somewhat drastic changes, I know it's all apart of life, and that this is only the beginning of the rest of the chapters of my life.

I'm writing this post because I wanted to document my high school experience and what I think I'll need to hear when I'm in university so that I'll have it to look back on and to reflect on, later. So, here it goes.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain, or to say that high school was terrible, because I'm not. But, to be entirely honest, it wasn't always easy. The danger of going to such a small school is that it can be harder to be different. I felt I had trouble fitting in as a nerdy orchestra kid (which, by the way, I don't believe there is anything wrong with). I felt bad when I had to tell friends I had to practice rather than hang out, and felt that no one at my school quite understood what music meant to me and why I was so committed to it. I'd sometimes get poked fun at (all in love, probably) for practicing so much, and questioned for why I had to practice each day and for so long. It was tricky to be patient with these comments, and I felt I could never make anyone understand my passion. I questioned my choices in focusing so much on academics and music, when so many were playing sports and making friends in school, whereas I had friends I only saw once a week at orchestra rehearsal. I questioned why my passion was so different than the rest. Why I would choose something to pursue that was sometimes looked down upon. Deep down though, I knew, that my passion for music was different than another teenager's passion. I secretly loved that I crushed on composers and pieces of music rather than a boy from a subject in school. I secretly loved that I got to go home and make music and feel emotions rather than go home and sit on my phone for hours on end. The truth is, I loved my musical life, but sometimes felt ashamed when people pointed out that it took away from the normality of a high school student's life.

I felt embarrassed to share my grades. I felt bad to be a nerd. To be someone who would rather stay home and study for the test tomorrow than throw away those cares and go out and socialize. I felt like an oddball because I loved to read rather than play video games. I felt weird when people asked me for help in school because I was afraid that they would think that I thought I was better than them. I'd get so nervous to receive grades because I was scared that one day I wouldn't measure up to my own standards. I wanted to fit in so bad and yet I didn't feel right going against my perfectionist ways.

So, in conclusion, yes I am relieved that high school is over. Will I miss it? Yes and no. I will not miss all the worries and embarrassments I've already shared, but I will miss the familiarity of knowing what each day looked like, that I already knew everyone I'd meet in a day, that I didn't have to worry about making money to pay for school and essentials. I can sympathize with kids and teens who struggle with school, but I can also encourage them to continue being unique and sticking to being themselves. In saying that, I can encourage myself to pursue my uniqueness during the rest of my forever. I can say to myself: you are enough, and there is always Someone who loves you for you, and that is all that matters. I challenge myself to remember this as I go on in life.

Now, on a more fun note, I wanted to share some of my graduation photos! They hold such bittersweet memories that I'll cherish, and so much promise of a future to come.

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Claire